Monday, January 17, 2011

Effective Communication in Conflict Resolution

Conflict seems to be an inescapable part of life; however, having an understanding of conflict resolution devices and knowing how to use them effectively can impact the length and outcome of arguments. Many people often fall victim to quarrels that become too emotionally heated which makes it extremely difficult to reach a logical outcome to the problem. Other’s find it a challenge to efficiently confront a dilemma, which can sometimes allow it fester for months, or even worse potentially years. Disagreements are a difficult part of life, as they are hard to navigate leaving it a challenge to reach the outcome desired. Using resolution devices successfully in the communication of a conflict can lead to harmonious solutions.
           
A critical first step in conflict is to determine the difference between real and unreal conflicts. Unreal conflicts, “either don't exist in reality but are thought to exist in someone's mind, or do exist in reality but are misperceived” (Cahn, 2007). They include false conflicts, displaced conflicts, and misplaced conflicts. Often unreal conflicts arise when people make a perception based upon limited facts or assumed facts, rather than taking in the whole situation. Unreal conflicts mirror real conflicts, “perceived threat involves a perception that one's partner is blaming and controlling the self. Perceived neglect involves a perception that one's partner is failing to make desired contributions or investments” (Sanford, 2010). Unreal conflicts are some of the most difficult to resolve because the real issue is difficult to get to, therefore conflict resolution techniques fail because they’re not meant to resolve something that doesn’t truly exist. In this case the perceived conflict becomes a conflict in itself, simply covering the original conflict. Both conflicts need to be explored and corrected before a resolution is possible. The best practice to solve this issue is to use tools such as listening and the ABC approach. Listening is best characterized by being open, a willingness to suspend judgment, patience, and empathy (Cahn, 2007). Once the unreal conflict has been laid out follow the ABC approach by focusing on the activating event/stressor (A), then on the relevant beliefs (B), and finally the consequences of the stressor (C). This can eliminate false perceptions and open the door to the real conflict.
           
One of the tools that can be largely beneficial is the phase theory which is, “the assumption that conflict unfolds in fairly predictable ways over a period of time and progresses through recognizable stages of interaction” (Cahn, 2007). This cyclic theory presents the idea that certain phases of conflict can be foreseen making it possible to prepare and apply strategies that can resolve conflicts more quickly and peacefully. This theory consists of five phases: prelude to conflict, triggering event, initiation, differentiation, and finally the resolution. This theory can be used as an overview to all my disputes, and within it the three phases are executed and other devices are used to help mend the situation. It is important to look at the conflict as a whole and then evaluate the stages that it is likely to go through in order to discover the best possible solution. 
           
The first two phases are more about taking preventative measures to avoid conflict. It is important to explore the first phase referred to as the prelude to conflict stage which focuses on four dynamics. First the participants and the factors associated with them such as age, gender, number of people in the conflict. Second the relationship of the opposing parties which include factors such as hierarchy, depth of the affiliation, and dominating tendencies. Next possible third parties interested in the conflict which can either propagate the argument, or inspire a more relaxed debate. The fourth and last dynamic explores the environment both physical and social. Having an understanding of the dynamics involved in conflict gives a communicative advantage, in that being prepared for such factors allows those in the quarrel to predict the direction each participant will take the situation.
           
The second phase known as the triggering event also known as a stimulus, “is a behavior that at least one person in the conflict points to as the “beginning” of the problem” (Cahn, 2007). This can be prompted by certain behaviors in another such as: a rebuff, illegitimate demands, criticism, noncumulative annoyance, cumulative annoyance, and even mutual cumulative annoyance. This stage is important because it not only imposes the conflict, but it can be seen as a precaution to avoid certain triggering behaviors such as those above. For instance a possible discord that might arise in the work place is the fluctuation of control. It’s not about taking control, it’s about ensuring control isn’t taken away from others, as others will experience the shift in control as a lack of respect and conflict will arise (Finniss, 2005), from an illegitimate demand. Learning how to communicate without initiating such behaviors can eliminate many disagreements. It is critical to understand the dynamics of those involved in the situation, professionally and personally. Everybody reacts different to stimuli and understanding how people will react makes it possible to avoid negative communication. Having this understanding affords the ability to avoid conflict by carefully wording the side of any discussion within that genre.
           
Going into the later stages is where the involvement in resolution devices becomes essential to reaching the goal of an amicable resolution. The third stage known as “the initiation phase or response occurs when at least one person makes known to the other that a conflict exists, such as reacting to another's upsetting comment, pointing out the offensive nature of the other's behavior” (Cahn, 2007). It’s important that as the one presenting the conflict that it’s communicated in an effective means. A communication tool that makes this possible involves the S-TLC approach.
           
It’s also good at this point to utilize anger controllers such as S-TLC (which is an acronym for stop, think, listen and communicate), because it allows each member to communicate without letting emotions such as anger and pain to dictate the argument. This device begins with stop, which is the point where one would take a step back from the situation and engage in logic rather than getting upset and emotional. Stop makes it possible to mentally focus on the issue at hand. Think is about considering what your goals, needs, and wants are. It is possible to intertwine these two, because many people almost immediately shut down and disengage from the argument so that they may contemplate the situation. This is a highly beneficial quality because it forces the opposition to stop and think as well. This way when everybody reconvenes it’s usually with even tempers and well thought out words. Once the first three acronyms are successful, it sets up more efficient communication 
           
The “differentiation phase or ongoing interaction pattern occurs when the participants use constructive or destructive strategies and tactics, presenting both sides of the story, moving back and forth, and escalating and de-escalating” (Cahn, 2007).  This is the phase that is most important to wrap up quickly, because it’s easy to allow the problem to escalate and go unresolved for days, weeks or sometimes even longer. For instance compromise is a great tool to get to a resolution quickly. If both parties refuse to concede and admit to rights and wrongs, providing a resolution that balances on middle ground can sometimes resolve the problem as neither party fully wins or loses the debate. Each member a gives a little and each member takes a little. “If there is a problem with the message, express it openly and allow the opportunity for open dialogue in efforts to reach a compromise” (Green, 2010). Compromise often the preferred conflict style that people go to most often. It’s a strong asset when it comes to conflict communication. It almost always works with all types of people, co-workers, friends, family, partners etc. However, when the chosen conflict style fails it’s important to use other strategies such as assertive communication as a backup. 
           
Another way to quickly end the differentiation stage is threw a critical device known as assertive communication which is, “defined as the ability to speak up for one's interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or infringe on the rights of others” (Cahn, 2007). The final phase is the resolution phase which is when the involved parties agree to an outcome for matter at hand. This is culmination of the communication that was explored in the previous phases, which should meet the needs, wants, and goals of each party. When cultivating a win-win resolution becomes too difficult such as in divorce, mediation can be a key tool to success. 
           
Of course the goal of the resolution phase is a best case scenario that the resolution be win-win for both parties involved. Although not all resolutions occur in a way that is beneficial for both parties, sometimes its win-lose, or even lose-lose. This means that some resolutions may just be a temporary remedy to a battle, but as it’s said the war isn’t over. In this case forgiveness may become the ultimate goal in a conflict that cannot be fixed. Forgiveness is an integral part of healing the wounds of conflict and finding peace. For instance there are a few circumstances life where a win-win resolution or even a win-lose resolution was impossible to obtain. Unresolved conflicts leave people stressed out and agitated, the thought of these conflicts continuously haunt people causing anxiety. It’s no healthy to hold on to irresolvable conflicts, when possible forgiving is the best route to finding peace. It’s certainly not always easy, and not always accomplishable, but it should be the final goal to completing a conflict.
           
Using conflict devices throughout the five stages of effective conflict communication is the best course to reach a sound and peaceful conclusion to an argument. Grasping the factors involved in the prelude to a conflict is important if conflict is to be avoided. Responding accurately to the triggering event can also avoid a full blown controversy. Effectively ending the differentiation period in a timely manner can be achieved by using conflict management devices. Reaching the resolution can sometimes only be a temporary solution, in order to avoid discussion of the conflict later on each party needs to fully feel content in the outcome. Communication is necessary factor when it comes to conflict resolution. Without proper communication, a resolution would never arise.


Sources
        Cahn, D.D., and Abigail, R.A. (2007). Managing conflict through communication (3rd
          ed.). Boston: Pearson Education.
        'CCF's Unconventional Wisdom: New Data and Trends in American Families'. (9  April).
          U.S. Newswire.  Retrieved June 25, 2010, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document  
          ID: 2004952401).
       Green, V.. (2010, April). President's Column. The South Carolina Nurse, 17(2), 2.  Retrieved 
          June 25, 2010, from ProQuest Health and Medical Complete. (Document
          ID: 2065542101).
       Rhonda Finniss.  (2005, August). Control is at the root of most conflict. Administrative
          Assistant's Update,
5.  Retrieved June 25, 2010, from Career and Technical Education.
         (Document ID: 884365281).
       Sanford, K.. (2010). Perceived Threat and Perceived Neglect: Couples' Underlying Concerns 
         During Conflict. Psychological Assessment, 22(2), 288.  Retrieved June 25, 2010, from
         Research Library. (Document ID: 2066484861).

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